[MapingMember]

IMO, this is needed. We have a topic for rating jokes, and a RPT, but no place for random crap. So here that place is.You Know You Are Living 2010 When1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave.2. You haven’t played solitaire with real cards in years.3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don’t have e-mail addresses.6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn’t even have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee!11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )12 You’re reading this and nodding and laughing.13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn’t a #9 on this list~~~~~~~~~~~AND FINALLY~~~~~ ~~~~~~~NOW U R LAUGHING AT YOURSELF!via : http://www.laughitout.com/search/label/funny%20lists#ixzz1ELkyY1qNDuring a good manners and etiquette class being held for young children, the teacher says to her students:“If you were courting a well educated young girl from a prominent family and during a dinner for two you needed to go to the toilet, what would you say to her?”Mike replies: “Wait a minute, I’m going for a piss.”The teacher says: “That would be very rude and improper on your part.”Charlie replies: “I’m sorry I need to go to the toilet, I’ll be back in a minute.”The teacher says: “That’s much better but to mention the word “toilet” during a meal, is unpleasant.”And Little Johnny says: “My dear, please excuse me for a moment. I have to go shake hands with a personal friend, whom, I hope to be able to introduce to you after dinner.”via : http://www.laughitout.com/search/label/naghty%20jokes#ixzz1ELw4Cn8bAn 80-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up. The doctor asked him how he was feeling and the 80-year-old said, "Things are great and I've never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. So what do you think about that?"The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began. "I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season. One day when he was setting off hunting, he was in a bit of a hurry and accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun.As he neared a lake he came across a very large beaver sitting at the water's edge.He realized he'd left his gun at home and so couldn't shoot the creature but out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if it were his favourite hunting rifle and went 'bang, bang'.Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead.Now, what do you think of that?" asked the doctor.The 80-year-old said, "If you ask me, I'd say somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver."The doctor replied, "My point precisely".via : http://www.laughitout.com/search/label/naghty%20jokes#ixzz1ELxuUdlRA doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly afterward, she told him she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a sum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there. "But how will I let you know the baby is born?" she asked. He replied, "Just send me a postcard and write 'spaghetti' on the back. I'll take care of expenses." Not knowing what else to do, the nurse took the money and flew to Italy.Six months went by and then one day the doctor's wife called him at the office and explained, "Dear, you received a very strange postcard in the mail today from Europe, and I don't understand what it means." The doctor said, "Just wait until I get home and I will explain it to you."Later that evening, the doctor came home, read the postcard, fell to the floor with a heartattack. Paramedics rushed him to the ER. The lead medic stayed back to comfort the wife.He asked what trauma had precipitated the cardiac arrest. So the wife picked up the card and read, "'Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti - Two with sausage and meatballs, two without.'"via : http://www.laughitout.com/search/label/naghty%20jokes#ixzz1ELxxsIEtThe children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture."Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead."via : http://www.laughitout.com/search/label/kids#ixzz1EM0rFJiEAn archaeological team, digging in Washington DC , has uncovered 10,000 year old bones and fossil remains of what is believed to be the first Politician.The Pope went on vacation for a few days to visit the rugged mountains of Alaska. He was cruising along the campground in the Pope Mobile when he heard a frantic commotion just at the edge of the woods. He found a helpless Democrat wearing wearing shorts, sandals, a Vote for Obama hat and a Save the Trees shirt. The man was screaming and struggling frantically, thrashing all about and trying to free himself from the grasp of a 10-foot grizzly bear.As the Pope watched in horror, a group of Republican loggers wearing Go Sarah shirts came racing up. One quickly fired a 44 magnum slug right into the bear’s chest. The two other men pulled the semiconscious Democrat from the bear’s grasp. Then using baseball bats, the three loggers finished off the bear. Two of the men dragged the dead grizzly onto the bed of their pickup truck while the other tenderly placed the injured Democrat in the back seat.As they began to leave, the Pope summoned al of them men over to him. “I give you my blessing for your brave actions!” he proudly proclaimed. “I have heard there was bitter hatred between Republican loggers and Democratic environmental activists, but now I’ve seen with my own eyes that this is not true.”As the Pope drove off, one logger asked his buddies, “Who the heck was that guy?”“Dude, that was was the Pope,” another replied. “He’s in direct contact with Heaven and has access to all wisdom.”“Well,” the logger said, “he may have access to all wisdom, but he doesn’t know squat about bear hunting! By the way, is the bait still alive or do we need to go back to Massachusetts and get another one?”via : http://www.laughitout.com/search/label/Political#ixzz1EM4gmSuzThree contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Minnesota.All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil."Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900 -- $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me."The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me."The Chicago contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700."The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"The Chicago contractor whispers back, "$1,000 for me, $1,000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence.""Done!" replies the government official.And that, my friends, is how the new stimulus plan will work.via : http://www.laughitout.com/search/label/Political#ixzz1EM4rrAHmA few years ago, Prime Minister Mori was given some Basic English conversation training before he visits Washington and meets president Bill Clinton...The instructor told Mori Prime Minister, when you shake hand with President Clinton, please say 'how r u'.Then Mr. Clinton should say, 'I am fine, and you?' Now, you should say 'me too'. Afterwards we, translators, will do the work for you.'It looks quite simple, but the truth is...When Mori met Clinton , he mistakenly said'Who r u ?' (Instead of 'How r u?'. )Mr. Clinton was a bit shocked but still managed to react with humor:'Well, I'm Hillary's husband, ha-ha...'Then Mori replied'me too, ha-ha....'.via : http://www.laughitout.com/search/label/Political#ixzz1EM5MywyN

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